Breakaway Amish

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Ever since I was a preteen and visited Ohio for the first time, I have had a fascination with the Amish community. Breakaway Amish details the horrifying story of the Bergholz Amish community that took on cult-like characteristics under the leadership of their bishop, Sam Mullet.

Breakaway Amish by Johnny Mast with Shawn Smucker
Breakaway Amish by Johnny Mast with Shawn Smucker

Johnny Mast tells the story of growing up and leaving the Bergholz community, which is best known for cutting the beards and hair of Amish men outside of their community as an act of revenge. For an Amish man, the beard is grown out to show that he is married (and he can only be married once he is baptized into the Amish church). His beard and his hair are very important to him, and this act is absolutely a violation. Sam Mullet and his followers committed these acts against those who had wronged them, however small the perceived infraction.

The beard cuttings were not the whole story, though. Although he tells the story of the beard cuttings and his choosing to testify against Sam Mullet, his own grandfather, Johnny details the story that led up to these criminal acts. Sam Mullet began abusing his power by asking those under his leadership to write down all of their sins. He accused many people of not writing all of them down, including his own wife, who he cast out of his house. He forced many men to live in the chicken coop while he took their wives into his own home. Around this time, he told them to put away their Bibles and to stop having church, since the words of the Bible were only being twisted anyway. He even got one of the wives of another man pregnant. He abused his power, and his power increased. Sam Mullet demanded and gained absolute control over those in his care. Other Amish communities took note of this abuse of power and cut off ties with the Bergholz community.

Without glossing over the facts, Johnny Mast gives hope about life after Bergholz.

Johnny Mast does not sugar coat the horror of discovering his grandfather, the bishop, a man he trusted in bed with the wife of another man. He does not gloss over the fear of being thrown in jail along with the others who were more willing to participate in his grandfather’s crimes. He does not tone down his words of frustration toward those he loves who refuse to see how much they have fallen under the control of someone who does not care for their well-being.

Despite this, though, he paints a hopeful picture of the future. After leaving the Bergholz community and the Amish, he meets a young woman named Clara who had left another Amish community. They have a daughter named Esther. Despite reaching out to his parents on a few occasions and not hearing from them, he knows that he has a bright future ahead of him. He works hard to make ends meet, but at least he is free from the hold that Sam Mullet had on him and everyone else in Bergholz.

“I think that people who go through a Bergholz-type situation each respond differently. My cousin, for example: after we left, he found a church he liked within two or three months. He goes every Sunday. He really likes it. So I guess these things affect people in different ways.”

Johnny Mast

As someone training to be a chaplain, it is hard to me to think about people like this who have been so hurt by religion that they do not want to be around it. However, those wounds need time to heal (and to some extent, they may never heal).  As he even wrote in the quote above, some may find their healing in religion and some my find it in having a break from religion.

As a teenager, I had a relative who was addicted to drugs, causing religious delusions. While I was determined to live out my calling to go into vocational ministry, I cannot say that abuse of religious imagery did not leave its marks on me. Certain religious words, though I know their good, still bring back bad memories for me. My siblings are at different places in their relationships with religion and with God, from disdain to some amount of openness.

Although what we went through was in no way equal to the cult-like reality that those in Bergholz lived out, abuse of religion and religious images can leave its marks for years. When those with religious power abuse it, whether they are a family member or a bishop, that trust is difficult to earn back. My hope is that those like Johnny and so many others who have been victims of religious abuse can come to find that God is not like the one who manipulated them with some form of so-called “Christianity.”

Quick Review:

Breakaway Amish was a very interesting book. I tend to drift toward true crime books more than other memoirs, and this one delivered in quality more than many of them do. Johnny Mast was both a victim and a perpetrator in the crimes that happened at Bergholz, so his insights into what happened in that cult-like community are unique and fascinating. And although my interest in true crime books seems at odds with my desire for a happy ending, this book was able to deliver a happy ending as well.

Conviction

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Conviction is the morbidly fascinating story of a woman who premeditated the brutal murder of her ex-boyfriend then told a number of unbelievable lies to cover it up. This book was written by Juan Martinez, the prosecuting attorney in the case. Perhaps no person knows the case and its intricacies better, except the murderer herself.

Conviction by Juan Martinez
Conviction by Juan Martinez

Juan Martinez was called to the house of Tyler Alexander, a young man who had been brutally stabbed and shot in the head. The district attorney in Arizona often would be invited to be a part of the investigative process as a witness, so he or she could better understand the crime scene when it was time for trial. Not long after Tyler’s body was discovered, his ex-girlfriend Jodi Arias called the police offering her assistance. They initially dismissed her, but her insistence on helping raised their suspicions, along with the allegations by friends that she was stalking Tyler.

After an investigation found her hair at the crime scene and her palm print in his blood, they executed a warrant for her arrest. When searching her belongings, they collected other evidence, eventually finding receipts that showed she purchased a gas can and enough gas to fill up a total of three gas cans (two of which she borrowed from a friend), allowing her to enter and leave Arizona undetected. While she had attempted to make sure that she did not leave any evidence of her being in Arizona, she inadvertently took pictures of herself during the commission of the crime, although they were blurry. For all her planning, she still left evidence of her being at the crime scene.

The way Jodi Arias lied and manipulated those around her repulsed me.

Perhaps I have an unusually low tolerance for habitual liars, but I found myself especially sickened by her lies. She used her words to manipulate everyone around her, hoping that in doing so she would keep her freedom. She manipulated her friends, the police, and the jurors.

Her first version of the story was that she was not in Arizona and that she was grieving the loss of her ex-boyfriend. She left three messages for him in the time between the murder and the discovery of his body in an attempt to throw suspicion off of her. She even spent time talking with her friend, supposedly grieving his loss. All this time, she knew how he died because she had been the one who had killed him.

When she was initially under the suspicion of the police because the camera that had blurry pictures of the murder also had pictures of her and Tyler posing nude only hours before the murder (and nude pictures of Tyler only minutes before the murder) she said that between the nude pictures and the blurry pictures of the murder, two people broke into the house and murdered Tyler. Those two people threatened her so she did not tell anyone. However, there was such a short amount of time between the pictures of Tyler posing in the shower and the beginning of the murder that this scenario was very unlikely. In addition, one of the pictures of the murder showed her pants and sock.

The third and final lie she told was that Tyler attacked her and that she acted in self-defense. Throughout the trial, she made unfounded accusations about his character. While there were emails that showed he lost his temper with her, there was also evidence that she manipulated him and pushed his buttons, and that the extent of his temper was only in verbal abuse (not to belittle verbal abuse in any way). She accused him of being a pedophile and sexually abusive, going as far as to fabricate letters in his handwriting about things he wanted to do. These letters were never presented to the jury, since they were determined to be fake. Despite her claims, though, the boyfriend she met the day after the murder said she acted completely normal. He said she even acted out sexually, which seemed out of character for someone who had just fought for her life after a sexually abusive relationship and won.

What bothers me the most about Jodi’s lies about the murder is that outside of the evidence, Tyler’s family will likely never have the truth. Whenever faced with questions about the inconsistencies in her stories or the lies that were proven to be false by evidence, Arias usually responded with phrases like, “I don’t know,” or “I don’t remember.” While the jury fortunately saw this as a sign of her guilt instead of a sign of her ignorance or forgetfulness, it is frustrating for those who want answers. Even during sentencing, Arias did not accept guilt for what she did.

I have only encountered a few habitual liars in my life (who I knew were lying to me, at least). They have not murdered anyone, but they lie to cover up everything. It doesn’t matter if it is something completely insignificant. I wish I could write more, but I am honestly at a loss because I have so little understanding of what makes people who habitually lie do what they do. While I cannot say I have never lied, I am so far removed from a life of constant dishonestly that I am actually bad at lying. My only hope is that honesty can bring healing to people like Jodi Arias.

The Woman Who Would be King

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Female leadership, especially in ancient times, is a strange thing to some people. I discovered this book when I saw a former professor of mine post about it on her Facebook page. When I read what it was about, I immediately wanted to read it. As a female undergoing the requirements to become a pastor and chaplain (often thought to be a man’s role), stories of women who have successfully led despite gender bias are of particular interest to me.

The Woman Who Would be King by Kara Cooney
The Woman Who Would be King by Kara Cooney

When you hear the name “Hatshepsut,” it does not conjure up any images. Her name is not a household name (for good or for bad) like the few other women who led in ancient times. If I were to say “Jezebel,” you may not be able to tell me exactly what her story was, but you would know at least that she was a woman with power who did not use it in a positive way. Hatshepsut had more power than any woman of her time could dream of having, but is easily forgotten because her life did not end in scandal. While she shrewdly positioned herself to gain her power, she did not kill her relatives or use her sexuality to gain it.

“Hatshepsut has the misfortune to be antiquity’s female leader who did everything right, a woman who could match her wit and energy to a task so seamlessly that she made no waves of discontent that have been recorded.”

Kara Cooney

Hatshepsut was the daughter of the king, Thutmose I. She married her half-brother, Thutmose II, who ruled only a short time. Unable to produce a male heir to the throne, it would have to go to the child of a “lesser wife,” a son by the name of Thutmose III (really, I’m not making this up). While this boy who was still a baby grew, Hatshepsut took the place of queen-regent, a role usually reserved for the mother of the king. In the seventh year of this role, she had the people crown her king. Thus, she and the young Thutmose III both ruled as co-kings, something that had happened in Egypt in cases where an older king wanted to teach a younger king how to rule before he passed on. Though theirs was an unconventional rule, Hatshepsut cleverly used the conventions of Egypt to provide herself with as much power as possible.

Hatshepsut sacrificed her femininity in order to rule well.

Throughout the pages of this book, it was painfully clear that Hatshepsut changed who she was to please the people she ruled so that she could keep the power she held. While she acquired her power by emphasizing her ties to her father and her divine role in the Egyptian temples, there is evidence she may have struggled to keep her power as the young king grew older.

The earliest statues she had made of herself show her in a woman’s dress with the king’s clothing over it. She is smiling slightly, and her figure is feminine. Over time, though, the statues that she has created portray her as more and more masculine, until her statues are identical to those of her co-king Thutmose III.

“She may have been king, the most powerful person in the ancient world, but beliefs and expectations greater than she was forced her to perform unending ideological gymnastics to satisfy the sacred role. In the end, Hatshepsut had no choice but to change her outward appearance.”

Kara Cooney

For me, this was the most heartbreaking part about reading this book. While she may have suffered a lot of other things that may fall to speculation, it is abundantly clear that she changed her portrayals of herself. She may have even changed the way she actually dressed to please the people that she was leading. While I am not entirely advocating dressing however you want whenever you want, I find it hard to swallow that often the way women find they can fit into leadership roles is by making themselves appear more like men. There have been times that women I care for have been asked to wear subdued colors only when serving in leadership roles in ministry. While I am fortunate that in my context I have not faced any criticism for how I dress (bright yellow and all), I know that my situation may not always be that way.

“Hatshepsut’s story can help us appreciate why authoritative women are still often considered to be dangerous beings who need to be controlled, monitored, contained, and watched.”

Kara Cooney

I am not the type of person who writes about how unequal or unfair things are for women very often. Things have improved for women a lot in the last fifty years, and in the United States women enjoy a lot of freedoms that we wouldn’t be able to enjoy in other countries. However, it is foolish to deny that we do not view women in power differently than we do men in power. Women using a strong tone of voice while speaking are viewed as hysterical or unhinged while men may just be viewed as passionate. Women posing the same questions or making the same comments in a meeting may be seen as being nags, while men are being diligent. Women sometimes face more scrutiny for their mistakes and may be criticized for not balancing their home and work lives better. These things may not always be the case in all places, but some women face even worse than these bad perceptions. Despite this, women like Hatshepsut still lead. Women will continue to seek leadership positions at all levels and in all fields. My hope is that we will be able to lead in a way that is authentic to who we really are in a world who will accept us for what we have to contribute.

Trafficked

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Trafficked is the haunting story of a young woman who is forced into prostitution by a close friend. This book had me so engaged that I finished it in two days. However, those two days were quickly followed by several nightmares because of some of the scars I carry from an abusive relationship in my late teenage years. I only suggest reading further in this post, as well as the book itself, if you have not been in one of these relationships or you are emotionally prepared to read things that might be upsetting to you.

Trafficked by Sophie Hayes
Trafficked by Sophie Hayes

For four years, Sophie’s friendship with Kas was perfect. He was kind and a great listening ear. They had one awkward conversation when she started dating another man, when he also confessed his love for her. But other than that, things were great. After breaking off her relationship with her boyfriend and having emergency surgery on her stomach, she was invited to go away on vacation with Kas to Italy. They began a relationship, and after the first night of their relationship, he told her he was in debt and she needed to help him. He told her that if she really loved him, like she said she did, she would sell herself as a prostitute to help him make back the money he owed. When manipulation did not work, he physically threatened her and her younger brothers, making it clear to her that she had no choice but to work for him on the streets.

“I knew people didn’t say things like that in real life, but however much I tried to tell myself it was all some elaborately cruel joke, I knew in my heart that I’d made a huge and potentially fatal error when I’d allowed myself to break my golden rule and trust him.”

Sophie Hayes

This was an emotional read because of my connections to it.

No, I was not forced into prostitution by my abusive boyfriend. But he did exhibit many of the same abusive patterns that Kas did. He was charming and charismatic (at first) to lure me into feeling safe in the relationship. When he lost his temper over something, he always found a way to make it my fault. When I took the blame to try to make peace with a situation, though, he would play the self-pity card. Everything that he did was to control my emotions and my behaviors. Where emotional manipulation alone didn’t do the trick, physical and sexual abuse further degraded my self-worth to the point where I believed no one else would want or believe me.

“I never spoke unless Kas spoke to me, and when he asked me simple questions that I couldn’t answer–usually because I was too anxious to be able to focus my thoughts–I told myself he was right and I was becoming more stupid with every day that passed.”

Sophie Hayes

Sophie struggled during and after her ordeal with feeling as if the entire thing were her fault. In the same way, I struggled after my abusive relationship. I knew logically that it wasn’t my fault. Emotionally, I could not process how I could let myself fall into such a relationship. Others who spoke harmful words about the relationship after the fact only did things to damage my view of myself. Although I had many people who were overwhelmingly supportive, some were not. Louder than any of those voices, though, was the memory of his voice saying things meant to tear me down. Even after years of counseling and four and a half years of a happy marriage later, I occasionally think of some of those things he said that destroyed my self-confidence.

“I know that if someone told me that what happened to me had happened to them, I’d feel sorry for them and wouldn’t blame them for one moment. Even so, I still felt as though it was all somehow my fault.”

Sophie Hayes

One last thing I found as a point of connection with Sophie was the struggle between telling people about the trauma I endured and not telling them. Sophie did not choose to tell many people about the abuse and trafficking she endured, and struggled to explain some of her fears and behaviors to her coworkers and friends. While I have tried to be fairly open about my past, it is still hard to explain why certain things can completely unnerve me. I can come completely unglued if someone touches me on the knee or leg. If anyone looks like the boyfriend who abused me, I am wary of that person even if I know it isn’t logical. Certain foods make me feel physically ill because I have only ever eaten them with him and his family. Although I do not think about him often, those fears and scars linger and can come back in an instant.

“Not telling people can make things difficult, though–for example, when I overract to something and can’t explain why, such as the time someone at work fired a toy gun at me and I fell on the floor with my hands over my head, screaming.”

Sophie Hayes

This book brings great awareness to human trafficking issues.

Sophie Hayes was an educated woman with a family who loved her. She was in her twenties with a stable job and an apartment. By most measures, she was not an ideal target for human trafficking except that someone she cared about took four years to groom her. He then lured her out of the country and threatened her younger brothers. He convinced her that he had people working for him everywhere and that he could see everything she did. She was afraid of her customers, strangers, and even the police.

Several times she was brought in by the police, who treated her like a criminal. They were convinced that she was doing this on her own free will, and made her life on the streets even more difficult. Although prostitution is a crime, she wishes that they would have asked questions that would have helped her feel safe to share what was really happening. She wishes that they would have recognized the signs that she was being abused and trafficked, and sought to get her home to her family. It was not until she was so sick that she went to the hospital instead of “work” that she ended up making contact with her family and getting rescued out of the life Kas had forced her into living.

Although this book brought up some bad memories (and may for anyone who has been in any kind of abusive relationship), I still felt like it added value because of the interest and the information it gave me about the issue of human trafficking. While Sophie is from England and this happened in Italy, human trafficking happens here in the United States, and knowing the signs can help those who are trapped in this horrible situation. Each one of us can do something about human trafficking when we see the signs. For more information on recognizing the signs of human trafficking, read here.

Every Falling Star

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Every Falling Star is the heartbreaking and inspirational memoir of Sungju Lee, who grew up in North Korea. After living in privileged Pyongyang and wholeheartedly believing in their communist leader, at the age of ten he must face the realities of communism in a poorer town after his father falls out of favor with the regime.

Every Falling Star by Sungju Lee & Susan McClelland
Every Falling Star by Sungju Lee & Susan McClelland

After moving to this poorer town, Sungju received criticism from his classmates for being unaware of the conditions they had been living in all along. He quickly realized that his father had not been sent to this area “on vacation” like he had been told, but that he must have fallen out of favor in some way. Both of his parents refuse to tell him what happened, and after some time, his father headed north to China looking for food. When he doesn’t return, his mother left as well, headed to a nearby town to see if an aunt has food to spare. This left young Sungju on his own to fend for himself.

“Morality is a great song a person sings when he or she has never been hungry.”

Sungju Lee

Over the next several years, Sungju learned to steal from the street vendors in order to feed himself. He and a friend from his new town joined together with a few other boys to create a gang. When the town they were in became too overrun with boys stealing, they began to travel. Along the way, two of the boys died because of the violence they faced on the streets. After several years, Sungju finds his grandfather, who had never stopped looking for him. After that, a man came to take him to China, where he was to transported to South Korea, a place he always feared. There he was finally reunited with his father and given a chance for a future.

What I loved most about this book was that it gave a message of hope, despite its darkness.

There was a lot of darkness. There were fights with knives. There was the use of alcohol and drugs to forget the pain. At one point, boys who should hardly know what sex even is were selling women so that they could have money for food. It was terribly heartbreaking to think of the conditions that these boys had to live through.

“I think the worst thing anyone can do is make them stop believing in something higher, something good, something pure, a reason for everything–hope, maybe. God, maybe.”

Sungju Lee

However, despite all of the loss that Sungju suffered and all of the terrible things he had to do to survive, he never lost hope that he would be reunited with his family. When his grandfather initially found him, he was so hardened by the streets that he had wanted to steal from him. When Sungju realized that it really was his grandfather, the hope that it gave him was so great that it broke through years of unimaginable pain and violence. He began to hope even more for all of his family to be reunited.

When Sungju arrived in South Korea he was terrified because he had grown up being told that they would feed him well, and then after he had told them secrets about North Korea, they would kill him. He was angry with his father for not finding him sooner. He was upset that his father would deceive him into coming to a place like South Korea. However, when he was reunited with his father, he found out that his father had never stopped looking for him. In the same way, they still do not stop looking for his mother. They have hope, after all of this time that she can still be found. They spend what money they have trying to find her.

Sungju has now gone to college and graduate school. He hopes to work toward the reunification of North and South Korea. He believes that the two countries can be unified, and has dedicated his education to this end. He has worked in and with embassies to learn and grow as a person and a leader, with the hope that his new experiences, paired with his old experiences, will help him to bring peace to these two countries he has grown to love.

The Age of Daredevils

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This is the most exciting book that has ever put me to sleep. At first glance, that might seem like an attention-grabbing comment meant to lure you into reading more of this blog post. My own feelings toward the book The Age of Daredevils are more complicated, though.

The Age of Daredevils by Michael Clarkson
The Age of Daredevils by Michael Clarkson

Clarkson’s book details the stories of the daredevils who took trips over Niagara Falls or in the rapids below. He primarily focuses in on the Hill family, who lived on the Canada side of the falls and were present at and participating in many of these stunts. He carefully describes the tension felt at each of these events, including the emotions of the daredevil and the crowd.

“Could his life be better? Sure, and it will be, but he has to remind himself he has already lived other people’s dreams, and today they have turned out in the tens of thousands just to watch him live them out, and others have come to visit the dark part of their soul that wants to see a man snap his spine.”

Michael Clarkson

I was often inspired by the heroics and the humanity of Red Hill Sr., a so-called “river man” who fished bodies from suicides and accidents out of the river below Niagara Falls. He worked hard, though sometimes doing illegal things, to provide for his large family. However, the falls and the stunts of daredevils on them always called him (much to his wife’s dismay). After his passing, several of his sons would go on to try stunts on the falls and the rapids below. His son, Red Hill Jr., would die in an accident on the falls, crushing the family and encouraging police to enforce daredevil laws more closely.

My Favorite Daredevil Story

I loved reading about Annie Taylor and her adventure going over Niagara Falls. She was not only the first person to go over the Falls and survive, but she was a women who did so in a time when women we not even allowed to vote. Before her stunt, the news openly mocked her for her foolishness. However, afterwards she was celebrated. Although her life ended many years later in poverty, this stunt brought her some amount of fortune and notoriety.

Why This Book Made Me Sleep

I have had a very difficult time pinpointing exactly why I had a difficult time reading this book. The stories were enjoyable. Clarkson’s writing style was sharp and easy-to-read. When I think about the book, I even think of it fondly and would recommend it to other people.

However, I fell asleep while reading it. It wasn’t a book that made me want to fight sleep and stay up all night reading. In fact, I fell asleep while reading this book several times, even when I wasn’t especially tired. While I am not especially sure what the reason is that I struggled with this book, I think the fact that it was so detailed about such a large period of time with so many different people has something to do with it. When there are that many details, it is harder to keep up with and makes my mind tired.

While I know it’s a strange personal preference, I also like shorter chapters because they make me want to read the next chapter (since it’s such a manageable size). This book did not deliver that for me with its long chapters that covered long chunks of history that included lots of names, dates, and places.

A Good History Text

Despite these feelings, though, I believe that if I were in school and had to read this as a history text on some of the culture surrounding Niagara Falls, I would be thrilled. It is an interesting history text. However, as a book to read for pleasure, it was harder to read because of the amount of concentration it required.

Quick Review

The Age of Daredevils was a very well-written book. Michael Clarkson did an excellent job giving the reader a feel for the overall history of the daredevils who went over Niagara Falls. However, my preference for more narrowly-focused histories (biographies and memoirs) kept me from enjoying it to the fullest. Although necessary to tell the story, having such a large number of names, dates, and places made it harder for me to keep my mind engaged. Despite this personal bias (I admit it!), I do wholeheartedly recommend this interesting book.

Freedom

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For the first three-fourths of this book, I was dreading the moment that I would sit at my computer to write this blog post. While I absolutely loved Jaycee Dugard’s first book, I found it incredibly difficult to get through most of this book. Fortunately, the last quarter of the book made the rest of the book worth it.

Freedom by Jaycee Dugard
Freedom by Jaycee Dugard

Jaycee Dugard was kidnapped and held prisoner for eighteen years by Phillip and Nancy Garrido. During that time she gave birth to Phillip’s two children, and lived in the back yard. I was living in Placerville when she was recovered from his home and reunited with her family in nearby South Lake Tahoe. Not long after, the trial of Phillip and Nancy Garrido would dominate local headlines as it unfolded. Her first book, A Stolen Life, details her kidnapping and captivity, as well as her reuniting with her family. This book details the years since, with many of Jaycee’s adventures and dreams.

“I have hope that life does not end when you are kidnapped or raped or abused. I believe life goes on and all that you can endure can be channeled into positive things for others to learn and grow from.”

Jaycee Dugard

Jaycee’s writing style left a lot to be desired, making it a difficult book to read.

Because I want to end on a positive note, I am going to start with why I struggled so much to get through so much of the book. There were two reasons, both of them having to do with the style of Jaycee’s writing:

The first, and perhaps most major reason, was that the book did not seem to be in chronological order. Each chapter had a topic, exploring something that Jaycee was experiencing for the first time. Within that chapter, though, she might get off on tangents or stories related to that topic, losing the chronological order entirely. Some chapters seemed as if they had been rearranged entirely. For example, one chapter talks about her mom getting her ordination renewed when a later chapter explains that her mom was able to get online ordination to do a marriage ceremony for a friend. I suspect that the chapters were likely in a different order that made more sense chronologically at another point. In the editing process, things like this were not caught after the chapters were rearranged.

The second reason I struggled to get through this book was because of the style in which it was written. It had frequent chat-speak acronyms sprinkled throughout it, as well as frequent sentence fragments. While I am never too bothered by the occasional sentence fragment because of the conversational feel it gives, the extreme number of them bothered me. Chat-speak, except perhaps in the context of explaining the content of an email, text, or conversation, really bothers me. I realize that is a pet peeve that might only apply to a select few, but it is worth mentioning.

Jaycee’s story is one of overcoming great things and living life to the fullest despite them.

That’s enough of the negative stuff! Order and style aside, I enjoyed a lot of things about this book. I loved Jaycee’s positivity and desire to impact the world around her. After initially making sure that her children would not be negatively impacted by media surrounding her case, she began going out in public without fear. She even began to travel to universities to speak about her case. Though she has reason to fear, she chooses not to.

“So there’s not any easy answer of why I’m okay. I want to be okay and I think that helps a lot.”

Jaycee Dugard

Jaycee is a fantastic advocate for getting proper counseling after trauma. While her trauma is in a different league than that of many people, I believe that her book is a strong testament to the value of getting good help. She travels with one or two therapists when she goes anywhere. She has a primary therapist that she goes most places with, and a secondary one who is doing research with her. Both of them have aided her in her recovery, and because of her investment in herself, she has gotten to the place she is today. Others who go through trauma (big or small) can learn from her example in getting the proper care.

“New moments and finding the joy in them is what makes me stronger every day, and a little help from family and friends never hurts, too.”

Jaycee Dugard

This book was in high contrast to her first book. While her first book was very heavy because of the content, this book is mostly light. She writes about her best friend’s wedding, her sister’s wedding, trips to Ireland, South America, and the Grand Canyon. She details the embarrassment of her first speeding ticket. Throughout the pages, despite the horrors she endured, Jaycee convinces me that she is like the rest of us, human.

438 Days

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When the cover of the book 438 Days says, “an extraordinary true story of survival at sea,” it is not an overstatement. Salvador Alvarenga, a deep sea fisherman, survives fourteen months at sea in a small fishing boat. Although this story made me want to vomit at times, it might be one of the most inspirational books I have read in a long time.

438 Days by Jonathan Franklin
438 Days by Jonathan Franklin

Alvarenga and Cordoba were both deep sea fishermen. Alvarenga had decades of experience, and young Cordoba had only a couple of years of experience at sea, much preferring not to go too far out to fish. During a storm, Alvarenga looked for someone to go out to finish hauling in a catch, and ended up hiring Cordoba for the job.

However, during this storm (which was a common occurrence in the area of Mexico where they fished), they lost use of the engine. When they radioed for help, their GPS, which was not waterproof, was ruined, so they could only give a visual account of where they were, about twenty miles off shore, with no motor or sails. Right after their desperate plea for help, the radio died, and they were pushed further and further out to sea. Despite a three day search, they were not found.

Four months into their journey, Cordoba slowly died of starvation. After eating a bird that had a poisonous snake in its stomach, he was too frightened to eat any more birds, a necessary part of their survival diet. Despite Alvarenga’s pleas for him to eat, he refused. He begged Alvarenga not to eat his body, and then died. Alvarenga spends days speaking to his dead friend as if he was alive, despite his friend’s body turning purple, then black from exposure to the hot sun. After several days, he slipped his friend’s body into the ocean. As I read this, I was sad for the loss of Cordoba and relieved that Alvarenga did not consume his friend’s body.

“He considered scratching messages or a count of full moons on the inside of his home but both ideas felt like capitulations etched by a dying mariner. Alvarenga planned on telling his survival story in person.”

Jonathan Franklin

Alvarenga spent the next ten months in complete isolation. In order to survive, he had to do some disgusting things: drink turtle blood, eat raw birds and fish, put urine in his ears to treat an ear infection, and eat the organs of animals for essential nutrients.

Although the journey took an immense toll on his emotional health, the previously non-religious Alvarenga took the time to pray, impacted by the faith of the deceased Cordoba. He also vowed not to kill himself, desiring to be an encouragement to those contemplating suicide. He believed that if he could survive the time he spent at sea, he could encourage others not to kill themselves because of situations they might find themselves in.

More than anything, though, Alvarenga kept going because he wanted to be reunited with the daughter he had abandoned years earlier when she was only one year old. At the end of his journey, he thought about the thirteen years he had not been a part of his daughter’s life because of a gang feud that caused him to flee, as well as his desire to party and enjoy life. None of that was as important to him as a relationship with his daughter.

After thirteen months at sea, the biggest blow to his psychological health was being very close to a large boat and not being rescued. Three men on the boat even waved to him, seeing him clearly, yet did not attempt to rescue him at all. This event sent him into a deep depression. Had he not hit land less than a month later, his health likely would have deteriorated even further.

The best part of this story is that it has a happy ending. Alvarenga reached a very remote island, where a couple who did not speak his language extended great hospitality to him, despite their limited resources and their fear he might harm them (he is, after all, holding a knife when they find him). He was then transported to a more populated island, where he could receive medical treatment, and was asked questions to verify whether his story was true or false. The media picked up his story and he was overwhelmed by the media interest in him.

He was eventually taken home to his daughter and parents, where he was able to rebuild that relationship. He took a trip to the town in Mexico where he used to fish, so that he could talk to his previous employer about what happened. He also talked to Cordoba’s mother, letting her know about Cordoba’s last days. His health continues to improve, as does his relationship with his daughter.

I Said Yes

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While he would be hesitant to confess this, I am not as embarrassed to confess that my husband and I enjoyed watching The Bachelor and the Bachelorette this season. Bachelor in Paradise just ended, so the timing seemed right to read and write about the memoir of a former Bachelor and Bachelorette star (even if I didn’t actually watch all of Bachelor in Paradise).

I Said Yes by Emily Maynard Johnson with A.J. Gregory
I Said Yes by Emily Maynard Johnson with A.J. Gregory

Emily Maynard (later Johnson) tells her heartbreaking and inspiring story about how the events in her life did not leave her too far out of reach from God’s hands. She describes her relationship with God not as a sudden conversion, but as a frog jumping from lily pad to lily pad. Emily gives readers a glimpse into each of her “lily pad” moments, allowing them to become immersed in her journey.

Barely out of high school, Emily became engaged and moved in with her fiance. They began planning a future together when he was killed suddenly in a plane crash. Shortly after his funeral, she finds herself pregnant with his daughter. Emily finds some solace in the beliefs of his Christian family.

After raising her daughter alone for a few years, a friend nominated her to be on The Bachelor. She was surprised when she not only got a call, but made the cast. Despite her reluctance, she went on the show to give love a chance. After being the final contestant and finding herself engaged to the bachelor, her relationship with him ends because of personality differences.

Throughout her description of the process of being on The Bachelor, I was shocked at how much of it did not seem scripted. She was told very little about what was going on. With no access to the outside world, emotions ran high between the women (explaining a lot of what viewers see on camera). While it makes sense that the women cannot be sharing what is going on with all of their friends and family, it probably doesn’t lead to good decision-making.

Not long after that, she was asked to become The Bachelorette. She asked that she be able to have a suite with her daughter there, so that she did not have to be away from her daughter during the entire filming time. To her surprise (and mine) the network agreed. She also was adamant that she did not want to get engaged at the end of the show, but only wanted to have the chance at a serious relationship. With a fledgling relationship with God and a desire to find a man with the same beliefs, she went on the show. When she chose the last man to receive a rose, he proposed to her. With cameras and eyes on her, she said “yes.”

What surprised me most about her perspective from The Bachelorette was that things seemed a lot more scripted from the bachelorette’s side of things. When conversation was slow, her producers would give her talking points (based on personality and background assessments given to all of the men). When I watched The Bachelor this past season, I sort of wondered how much the bachelor was acting off of a script or talking points on some of the dates. This part of the book made me feel like this side of it is a lot more scripted, even if the person may genuinely be looking for love.

After her relationship with the “winner” of her season on The Bachelorette failed, she ended up falling in love with and marrying a man she met at church. They have two children and her relationship with God has continued to grow. Her story is one that inspires young people to remember that before they can focus on finding romantic love, they should find and be confident in God’s love.

Find Me Unafraid

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This book changed the way I think about charity work. It was not just another inspirational story about a person who did something great, but a story about two people from entirely different worlds who came together to change an African slum.

Find Me Unafraid by Kennedy Odede and Jessica Posner
Find Me Unafraid by Kennedy Odede and Jessica Posner

Kennedy was born in an African slum and Jessica was born into middle class America. Their lives couldn’t be any more different. While Jessica lived a life of relative comfort, Kennedy was beaten by his step-father. He found solace in learning from a neighbor who could afford school and a priest who would later use his trusted position to sexually abuse him. He ran away from home at the age of ten and joined a gang. He then worked hard labor and watched friends die on the streets and kill themselves from the despair they felt because of the hard lives they were living.

“There’s a theory that cycles of poverty perpetuate and self-replicate in part because of despair. People feel hopeless, and then engage in self-destructive behaviors that make that hopelessness self-fulfilling. The implication, and there’s a fair amount of evidence emerging for this, is that the way to break cycles of poverty is to give people hope–and in the largest sense, that’s what Kennedy and Jess are doing.”

Nicholas Kristof

At the age of sixteen, Kennedy used the extra twenty cents that he had to purchase a soccer ball so that the people in the community would have something positive to do. It started with a soccer ball and grew, but Kennedy’s vision of Shining Hope for Communities was born. He convinced friends and community members to “buy into” the idea that they could change their community in ways that did not cost much, if anything. They started by picking up trash and speaking out against abuse. It grew, until at the age of 23, it was a movement that provided dignified jobs for women. It was at this time that Jessica studied in Kenya for a semester and met Kennedy.

Jessica’s life changed. She fell in love with Kennedy and the slums of Kenya. She went back to America and helped Kennedy get a scholarship so he could get a college education. Together, they would eventually build a school for girls and a medical clinic. Kennedy’s knowledge of the community and Jessica’s ability to garner outside financial support made them a powerful team.

“Without mutual understanding and real community leadership, foreign-led interventions ultimately do not succeed, creating false hopes and taking advantage of the community’s vulnerability.”

Kennedy Odede

Buy-in from locals is necessary for the long-term success of works of charity.

This book broke my heart. I found myself weeping at the brokenness written in these pages, and the desire to do more about some of the things that are wrong around the world. I also became increasingly aware of how sometimes we as Americans forget that those around the world have the same intelligence and potential that we do. It is heartbreaking to think that perhaps the brightest scientists, doctors, or teachers might be dying of hunger in a slum in another part of the world because of the greed and ignorance of those in the wealthiest parts of the world.

“One of the cruelest aspects of this place is simply the wasted human potential, the brilliance and creativity that exists. It shouldn’t be impossible to break out of poverty–talent and hard work should matter–but here they don’t.”

Jessica Posner

The thing that changed me the most, though, was the idea that no matter where I go to do ministry, it is important to partner with someone who is local to the area. Ohio is not so different from the part of California where I grew up. However, there are differences. People can usually tell I did not grow up here, and there are shared histories of people who have lived here in small town Ohio for generations. Partnering with, learning from, and working alongside those who live and know the area better than I ever could will make my ministry richer than I could ever imagine.

While there might be an implied recommendation to a lot of my blog posts, I want to very explicitly recommend this book. While there is some mature content and it is heartbreaking to get through, this is one of those books that will change you. It is worth your time. Though it has not been long since I read it, I already want to read it again. Not many books make me feel like that.